Why is love challenging?

Love involves every single challenge you can possibly imagine!

Real and mature love, a functioning relationship, requires maturity,

which means you have developed your:

• awareness to reflect on your own growth
• education
• experience
• strong self-regulation skills
• communication skills
• troubleshooting skills
• accountability
• self-awareness

knowledge of your roots and your family history and patterns going back generations.

Self-care and Self-love. Financial Stability.

Being able to hold the space for your partner - emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally, and financially where required as a married couple.

50:50 is a myth - life does not work that way, sometimes it is more for one person, than for the other.

Empathy, Kindness, Compassion, Forgiveness, Generosity, self-responsibility, strong boundaries, being able to differentiate between what is your own issue and what is your partner from a clear point of view setting and enforcing! 

Clear boundaries, pro-activity, a shared vision and mission.

Peace, Safety, acknowledgment of being genuinely seen, heard and appreciated and I am sure many more.

Note of warning;

LOVE is NOT butterflies and a flurry feeling in the stomach! It is NOT instant sexual attraction (that’s lust) clouding your judgment.

These are clear warning signs of your nervous system and your subconscious telling you to stay away, recognizing damaging patterns from your childhood blueprint.

People often mistake love for all sorts of toxic behavior because this is the only thing they knew growing up.

We are attracted to what is familiar and fits our blueprint like a puzzle piece.

Troubles ahead if we have not learned how to manage and deal with these issues in a healthy and self-contained manner.

Unacceptable In a Mature Relationship Are;

manipulation, false promises, name-calling, yelling, ridicule, intrusion of other family members, abuse, threats, violence, neglect, irresponsibility, swearing, cursing, door slamming, greed, cheating, lying about it, power hunger, egotism, narcissism, self-serving intentions and goals, many more damaging behaviors.

Being in a relationship for the sake of it - using up another person’s resources, health, sanity, mental and heart space and lifetime is not only highly unethical but cruel. Stay away.

Before issues get overwhelming, I suggest doing a suitable form of therapy to sort out your issues, alone and together, given that both genuinely wants to work on themselves and their relationship.

If not, leave for your own (and often your children’s) sake! It is not your responsibility to save someone else from themselves (or their family for that matter).

So yes, there are plenty of challenges involved, not only mental ones!

A healthy relationship is a great opportunity for self-development if both are willing to keep learning because love is a complex and powerful emotion that can be challenging for many reasons. 

Some of the possible reasons why love is so challenging are:  

•  Love is not always reciprocated. Sometimes, we may love someone who does not love us back, or who loves us differently than we do. This can cause pain, frustration, and disappointment.  

•  Love is not always predictable. We cannot control how love will unfold, or how the other person will behave or change over time. Love can surprise us, disappoint us, or challenge us in ways we did not expect.  

•  Love is not always easy. Loving someone requires effort, compromise, communication, and sacrifice. We may have to deal with conflicts, disagreements, misunderstandings, or differences in values or goals. We may have to face external challenges, such as distance, family, or social pressures.  

•  Love is not always enough. Sometimes, love alone is not sufficient to sustain a relationship. We may also need compatibility, trust, respect, support, and commitment. We may also have to deal with personal issues, such as insecurities, fears, or traumas that affect our ability to love .  

Despite these challenges, love can also be rewarding, fulfilling, and meaningful. Love can bring us joy, happiness, and growth. Love can inspire us, motivate us, and heal us. Love can make us feel alive and connected.  

Therefore, love is worth pursuing and nurturing, even if it is challenging. The challenges of love can also be opportunities for learning and growth. We can learn more about ourselves, the other person, and the relationship. We can grow as individuals and as partners.

Overcoming the challenges of love can be difficult, but not impossible. There are some tips that can help you and your partner work through your conflicts and strengthen your bond.

 Here are some of them:  

•  Create an atmosphere of mutual respect. Treat each other with kindness and fairness, and avoid behaviors that can hurt or insult your partner. Respect their feelings, opinions, and needs, even if you disagree with them.  

• when things get emotional. If you or your partner feel overwhelmed or angry during a conflict, take a step back and calm down before continuing the conversation. Remind each other that you care and that you want to resolve the issue together.  

•  Communicate effectively. Listen to your partner's perspective and try to understand where they are coming from. Express your own thoughts and feelings clearly and honestly, without blaming or attacking. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements, such as "I feel hurt when you do this" instead of "You always hurt me.  

•  Compromise and collaborate. Try to find a solution that works for both of you, instead of insisting on your own way or giving up on your needs. Be flexible and willing to make some adjustments for the sake of the relationship. Focus on the common goal of improving your situation, rather than winning or losing the argument.  

• The challenges of love can be too complex or overwhelming to handle on your own. In that case, it may be helpful to seek the guidance of a therapist or a counselor who can help you and your partner work through your issues and develop healthier coping skills.

Further recommendations on the way on the next post..

Cheers My People..

David Collins..